so it is february 8, and I couldnt be more content with what God is doing in my life. Just yesterday I ended three years of my life and watched him walk out the door. I was not sure at the time if this was what God was really wanting me to do, but there was no going back now.

you see, i had borrowed my parents van(I know, sweet wheels)for the afternoon, and I was getting ready to leave to return it to them because I had to go to work (thats a whole nother story!) Anyways, I went out to the van and right as I turned it on, this song had started playing. Well, I had been crying off and on because I was afraid I had just made the biggest mistake of my life. I started listening to the song and just broke down in tears. about an hour before I had gotten down on my knees and said to God, give me a sign that this is really what you want me to be doing because I can't live without him if you aren't in all of this. The song that had started playing was "by your side" by tenth avenue north. The first verse hit me, and it hit me hard. I started crying because I have never had God so blatanly answer my prayers....here is how it went.....

"Why are you striving these days? Why are you trying to earn grace? Why are you crying, let me lift up your face, just don't turn away. Why are you looking for love? Why are you still searching, as if I'm not enough. To where will you go child? Tell me where will you run, to where will you run? Cuz ill be by your side wherever you fall in the dead of night whenever you can and please dont fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding you."

Suddenly my emotions were calmed and I could feel a sense of peace within me. Well last night after work, I just was down. I was feeling sad again, and I just didn't want to start imagining my life without him. This morning I woke up and I was feeling the exact same way, so when I got to church, I prayed. I prayed that God might reassure me that what I was doing was righteous in his eyes and was for his glory. At the end of the service, Andrew got up and said that God had told him during the last couple songs that he was pleased. Andrew asked why, and God said....because I see people who are striving after who I have mad them to be. They want to be what I have created them to be. I started crying because again, God has shown me his promise.

I tell myself that I believe in God and how real He is in my life. But never before have I felt like God has specifically spoken through others or music to me. I guess there is no going back now, huh? God has a plan for me and I'm the only one stopping me from living it up, all for Him.

It's not going to be easy, but if it were easy...everyone would want to be a Christian. I just pray that God might be able to use me as a child of light for his name.